November 6th, Friendship


3 letters written just for me and tucked in my luggage before E and I left for Florida to, God willing, meet our son. These letters were the greatest gift. I wish all adoptive moms could travel with that trio of letters. With each mile in the air, the excitement and the fear simultaneously mounted. The safety net of home got further and further away as we got closer and closer to meeting our child, or closer and closer to saying goodbye to a child who was not meant to be ours. Those letters caught me and kept me afloat. I had my best friend with me during the hardest bits. Thank you Margaret, the most gifted writer I know, for those 3 treasures. They guided me and grounded me through the fear and the unknown. They are the first things in R’s baby book. The first things R will see when he is old enough to leaf through and read about his first year with us.

And the moment when I called her and was able to joyfully announce, “he’s ours”. She’s in Texas. I’m in New York. I miss her dearly. R has not seen her in a long long while. Still, he asks to FaceTime with her almost everyday (pick up the damn phone Margaret). He knows good people. I believe he knows how important Margaret was in supporting me on my journey to him. He may have been in his tummy mommy’s belly in Florida while Margaret and I were together in NYC- but I swear, he was born knowing her and loving her as I do. We love you Aunt Margaret Xx