November 7th, "I Wish You Understood"


I wish you understood that a birth mother is not a threat.

I wish you understood that she does not disappear when papers were signed. I wish you understood that birth mothers are real people. They live full lives. I wish you understood that birth mothers are all ages, all colors, from all financial backgrounds. I wish you understood that when we said “open adoption” we meant it. I wish you understood that knowing R’s birth mom is a privilege. I wish you understood that you can (respectfully) ask about her. Having her in our lives is a gift. I wish you understood that her life and her choices are now apart of us. I wish you understood that she can not replace me. I wish you understood that we will move mountains to have a relationship with her if she is willing. I wish you understood that she walks through motherhood with me, whether she knows that or not. I wish you understood that we want to talk about her in front of you- not just in private. She isn’t to be tucked away only spoken of as someone that was the vehicle that brought my child to me. I wish you understood that some questions are okay to ask about her and some or not. Respect us when we say as much. I wish you understood that I am fiercely protective of her and her story. It’s hers and R’s. I wish you understood that I’m okay with all of this. I’m more than okay. I’m blessed and grateful and at peace with who she is in my child’s life. I wish you understood that not only did she make me a mother, she is part of my incredible, unstoppable, beautiful, rambunctious, kind son.