Trust. The obvious one; Trust in the adoption process. If you’ve decided to take the leap and grow your family through adoption, you already do have total trust in the process.
Which brings me to everyone else. If I could ask one thing of anyone that has a friend or family member who plans on adopting, trust them. Trust their choice to grow their family through adoption.
It took a lot of courage to share that we were starting the adoption process. We came to the decision after a ton of thought, conversations, and deep deep reflection. Often, adoption is the result of infertility struggles; miscarriages, failed IVF’s, and a whole slew of other issues no less painful or real. Deciding to adopt is thrilling. It can also be really really scary, daunting, and lonely. There are so many misconceptions and falsehoods around the subject. Even the most ethical adoption process is emotionally draining and hard as fuck. There’s no better way to say it.
So, where does trust come in? Well dear friends and family of perspective adoptive parents, when someone shares with you that they are starting the process- trust them. Trust that they have done some extremely deep soul searching and reflecting and research. Trust them. Trust that this is the right path for them.
When we told family and friends, we heard incredibly encouraging responses. There were happy tears and hugs and champagne toasts ( a perk of being “paper pregnant”).
We also heard “Are you sure?”, “Have you tried everything to have your own child?”, “What about a sperm donor?”, “What about a surrogate?”. I had people quietly ask if I thought about other options. Articles about infertility were sent my way. This broke me. This stole away my excitement and joy at telling people we were expecting a child.
All I wanted to say in those moments, all I should have said was , “trust me. Trust us. This is exactly what we want.” No one enters into adoption lightly- even if it is the first and only choice-it is a complex, gorgeous, difficult, expensive, magical process.
So please. Even if you don’t know what to say when you hear a friend or family member is adopting-say something kind and loving. Hearing “congratulations” can go a long long way. Even if it’s the second time around (hint hint).
And trust. Trust this decision is what’s best for the family and trust that their child will find their way home. Xx