November 12th, Judgement



Sometimes I have to remember that I need to keep my own judgment in check. I spent the weekend in the mountains for one of my best friend’s bachelorette party . The topic of adoption came up as I drove two of her friends who I only know peripherally up from the city. I judged them early for using adoption language that makes me cringe- “given up” instead of “placed” or “mom” instead of “birth mom”. They should know better, I thought. They won’t understand, I assumed. But I judged too quickly. The reality is, they do not know better. How could they? Adoption is not typically spoken about and when it is, the stories are usually those that would be fodder for lifetime movies. These grown, strong, beautiful, smart women did not know any better. My instinct was to tuck my story away. I judged them for using the wrong language. But why? Simply because they were unfamiliar with adoption language?

Yep, that’s exactly why, and that is ridiculous and needs to be kept in check. As we were packing up yesterday morning one woman said, “I had never heard the term open adoption before this weekend”. It was such a glorious reminder that this is so new to so many. If I am to judge someone, assuming they’re not fit to talk about adoption with b/c they use the wrong language, and therefore I shut down conversations, then we’re not going to get anywhere are we? If I had allowed my judgie self to get in the way, I would not have opened my heart to an incredible group of women who listened, supported, and made me laugh my ass off all weekend. Cheers to Emily, the gorgeous bride to be. Cheers to her friends, who are now my friends and who also now know a little bit more about adoption, and cheers to keeping my own judgement in check.