Rory with his sibbies; His biological siblings. The connection is breathtaking. The resemblance is uncanny. I watch him like a hawk before, during, and after, sensing every nuance. The nerves, the excitement, the connection, the joy, the shifts, the slightly different energy that comes from him, the loss, the sameness, the goodbyes, my difference.
Why is it so hard to live in the uncomfortable, to not be enough, to give what is needed, even though it means feeling less than.
We say we only want to do what is best for our child, but how often do our own ideas and desires influence what is best. I’ve been given the gift of having to push, sometime HEAVE a lot of my own “stuff” out of the way in order to give my child what he needs and what is best.
I wish you could all meet Rory’s sibbies. They are so kind and thoughtful and bright and funny. The awe of seeing his sibbies make the exact. same. expressions. as he does. What must it be like for him? To experience that.
Oh and his Tummy Mommy. We are so very different, but I swear there is a sameness, a connection. We’re funny. We’re Pisces. She is so comfortable with us. For her, it’s a given- we’re family. That’s openness. That’s what I’m striving for and hoping for even if I can’t always get there mentally. It’s all for both my boys. But I’m part of it too. Figuring out where I fit in the openness. How to be the best mom to my boys and be the best person to her, the woman she choose to be her child’s mom.It’s a lot.
So onward. We navigate it together, and then so very far apart in so many ways- all for Rory and Desi. Xx