Before Me There Was Her


It’s been 3 weeks since we spoke with the mother of the child who would become our child 24 hours after that call. That call captured in this picture.

A few hours after we hung up we learned she had chosen us to parent her child.

It didn’t feel real. It still doesn’t. It’s hard to let go of the waiting. I held that waiting for 13 months.


Before D, there was her. Speaking with her my heart simultaneously broke into a million pieces for the decision she felt she had to make, and it also began to shift and swell as I felt a new love for her.


Before D, I loved her.


Before I was D’s mom, I sat and listened to the woman who birthed him, his first mother. I listened to a woman talk to me about an unimaginable decision she was in the process of making.

With love and laughter and tears and heartache Ethan and I had the most intimate conversation of our lives with someone we had yet to meet.


Before D, I sat in silent prayer for this woman. I prayed that this woman would make the best decision for herself and for her child, which may not include me. It was nearly impossible to take me and what I wanted out of this equation. But I had to. Open adoption demands this of us who choose to enter this way of building a family. It is the only way to show up for open adoption.


It all started with her. D fits just right in our family, and so does she.


And now there’s D.

D, you are deeply and purposefully loved by me, your papa, your tummy mommy and your tummy daddy❤️ As we learn you, we learn them, our worlds expand together as we begin our life as mother and child. I love you D, my snow baby, and brother to my sunshine boy.